Methods & NARM^®

NARM^® – the NeuroAffective Relational Model™ – is a development-oriented, non-pathologising approach developed by Dr. Laurence Heller. It explores how early relational experiences shape identity, connection and the way we handle stress – without labels or diagnoses.

NARM^® draws on attachment theory, polyvagal theory, Gestalt, cognitive, somatic and psychodynamic approaches. I use elements of NARM^® as a counselling- and resource-oriented method within psychosocial counselling.

NARM^® describes five core themes – everyday areas of life where many of us learned to adapt in order to belong:

• Connection – losing touch with yourself, your feelings or your body.
• Attunement – knowing everyone else’s needs, but not your own.
• Trust – living a role instead of living from yourself.
• Autonomy – struggling to speak up for yourself, or living under constant pressure to achieve.
• Love – feeling you have to perform to be loved.

Running through all of them are shame and guilt – and the quiet belief that something is wrong with you. In our work we look at these patterns with curiosity and without blame.

The fundamental practice of NARM is to explore what the heart truly wants, often asking the question: ‘What do you really want for yourself?’ to uncover deep, authentic longings rather than superficial goals.

When you embark on this journey of discovery, you take an important step towards reconnecting with your heart and discovering the aliveness that has long been buried under old survival patterns. 

Change happens in relationships. 

In my work, I create an environment characterised by genuine curiosity, shame-free acceptance and heartfelt empathy, empowering my clients to reconnect with their hearts and embrace their wholeness.

NARM® views the mind (our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs) and the body as closely connected. It works with both bottom-up approaches (awareness that begins in the body) and top-down approaches (using the mind to understand body signals). If we only use a top-down method, we ignore the body and emotions. If we only focus on the body, feelings and sensations can be overwhelming without the help of our thinking mind to organise and understand them.

The combination of both approaches is what makes the NARM^® approach so helpful and leads to real, embodied capacity for life and relationships.

NARM® is based on the idea that once obstacles are removed, we naturally move towards health, connection and vitality. These obstacles are the survival strategies we once relied on and which now limit us or separate us from our life energy.

The idea of life energy comes from bioenergetics, which was developed by Alexander Lowen, developed by a student of Wilhelm Reich. The adaptive survival strategies in NARM are seen as distortions of life energy.

Our emotional abilities develop in stages during childhood and adolescence. When the needs of a stage are not met, we develop adaptive survival strategies – ways of coping that made sense at the time but may limit us later on.

That is also why I don’t use labels. So much of life gets a label these days – but a hard week, or even a hard year, is not a diagnosis. When a label becomes your identity, it can make it harder to step out of the box. My work focuses on what you want more of: connection, intimacy, a calmer nervous system in everyday life, and the freedom to live from your own needs.

• Healing Shame and Guilt: The Developmental Roots of Chronic Shame and Guilt and How the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) Can Help You Heal and Reconnect (2026) by Laurence Heller, Ph.D. & Stephan K. Niederwieser
• NARM^® Training Institute – narmtraining.com