When the dark night of the intimate relationship doesn’t seem to end – transformational change is required
Let’s be honest, when your partner tells you again and again, „You are taking my space away, you are pushing me into the corner!“, something is going really wrong in the most holy of relationships.
The wife, trying to find closeness with the husband, gets her frustration out by complaining, showing him her disappointed emotions. More coldness from him towards her follows.
He feels attacked by her, not respected, and tells her off with his emotional distance and saying, „This is unacceptable, how you talk to me.“ She feels pain deep in her heart, again rejected by her husband and misunderstood.
Years later, she is sitting with her emotions, and she learns that her anger is a strength. Strength to stand up for herself and put herself in the most loving first place. She has tried to love her husband even more than herself, believing him, in the most painful attacks he had on her: You are taking my space away! You have to apologise! He would defend himself, not showing his heart to her.
She is in Trauma Transformation – she stands up for herself, not believing his unloving attacks anymore. She found her truth, the love she poured out to him and was rejected for, she can now give to herself. As a result, her body relaxes, her heart is not in constant relational pain anymore. She stands strong in her own profession. She still learns to speak up and go into constructive conflict with people that want to manipulate her for their own gain.
Tina M Hoffmann, MSc, Psychosocial Counsellor, Trauma Counsellor, NARM
I help women find their way through confusing and long-suffering intimate relationships.
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